Monday, June 23, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
wish i was there...
i just got back to work after 7 days spent beachside and poolside in hawaii. i wish i was there again...pictures posted slowly @ flickr
Friday, June 6, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
true confession #13
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
TMI: emerging adulthood
Men are but children of a larger growth, Our appetites as apt to change as theirs, And full as craving too, and full as vain. -John Dryden
One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them. -Virginia Woolf
Finding Me
As I entered college, I felt as though I was finally getting somewhere. I was building a great relationship with my parents and brother, I was on my own(ish), working for a church, following my dreams, seriously dating a girl that I had grown up with (who later became my wife), and I spent most of my weekends traveling to lead camps and retreats. During my freshman year, I absolutely loved college life, though I didn’t particularly care much for the classes. Unfortunately, classes count for a lot at college. I was virtually stress-free during that year…until I received notice that my GPA was an outstanding 1.7 (yikes!). For so much of my life, I had coasted, trusting in my natural abilities to get me through. I had never really learned how to study, and I had no real philosophy of learning. Though I still relied heavily on experiential learning, I began to see the value of quantitative education. I learned how to work hard in, and out, of the classroom, how to pass, and how to achieve.
I joined the intern staff at Pioneer Drive Baptist Church (a large church in Abilene, TX) the same week as classes started for my freshman year at Hardin-Simmons University. Here, I found great chemistry with a student ministry team that valued relevance, authenticity, and creativity. We became like family, and looked for every opportunity to serve and grow together. Looking back, I feel that this time was, more than anything, my first great learning curve. We concentrated on values and ideals, on developing leadership and teamwork, and on raising the levels of expectation on ourselves and those we were discipling. This would mark the first earthquake in my attempt to be The Natural. I started recognizing my strengths and my weaknesses, and I trusted learning, hard work, faith, and teamwork to achieve. Under God’s leadership, as a team, we ventured out to plant a new church in our college town. Though I have moved and had other ministry experiences since then, I still consider this team as a major instrument through which God has shaped my ministry. Through the experiences of church planting and working in local churches, God has restructured my church theology. Whereas, I once saw the institution of the church, as the center for ministry and evangelism, I better understand that God expects of all of His [sent] people to participate in His mission. I see enabling and empowering believers, as members of churches to do the work of ministry and evangelism as my part in God’s mission. I hope that through my ministry, people will understand and meet their full potential in relationship with God.
The most significant event in my college experience was marrying my wife, Lindsey. We had grown up together (we were from the same church, and she was in my close circle of friends), and she knew me better than most. She was well aware that she was committing to an idealistic, arrogant man, and she knew that I strived to be a better man. Mostly, she knew that I loved her wholly and unconditionally…and she returned that love. We dated for two-years before I begged her to be my wife, and we were married one year later, after our junior year of college. Though she was well organized and reserved while I was scattered and assertive, we fit together well in our 500 square-foot apartment. The memories of bills and grades seem distant to the joy of discovery and excitement that defined our first year of marriage. She took classes and student-taught at a local elementary school; and I took classes, worked on staff at our church start, and held a part-time job at an office supply store. We were busy, but we were blissful. We now joke that we had to, at least, get-along with each other, since our tiny apartment left no room for us to fight.
I’m now 26 years-old, and I truly believe that these several years since college have marked my second great learning curve. It has also been the time in which I have developed the most on cognitive and socioemotional levels since infancy. I have finally found the adulthood that I craved since I was a child. My sense of awareness has been shocked and has grown in regards to our global community. My sense of idealism and my values are maturing and revealing my priorities. I am truly learning of the depths of love and of Christian submission. Mostly, I have been humbled, again and again. This process of learning humility is sometimes difficult and painful; but I am learning that the less I become, the more God is revealed; and the more I learn, the more I realize I have even more yet to learn. God is teaching me the values of, and the joys of patience, intimacy, and interdependence. Though I always wanted to be The Natural, it is now my wish to be the student. It is my hope that God will take the rest of my life and continues to reveal to me, His nature and His ways, and that I will conform to His image. My personality, my physical build, my way of reasoning is all meant to be used in His service.
A Shared Adulthood
Lindsey and I have spent the past year as the primary caregivers for her elderly grandparents. Through this experience, I have seen 91-year-old Pete, and 89-year-old Gladys love one another and care for one another. Until the past couple of years, Pete, could have full conversations with us, often sharing war stories from WWII. He had okay balance and could move pretty well when using his walker. During that time Gladys (who I’m told has always been a perennial hypochondriac) was in-and-out of the hospital (though nothing much was ever wrong) and had grown accustomed to being pushed around in a wheel-chair. Pete went really downhill physically and mentally over the last two years. He had dementia, and was losing weight and strength. As his health was failing, Gladys began worrying less about her “illnesses” and more about taking care of him. She would get him out of bed in the mornings, and dress him in slacks and a dress shirt (he always liked to look good), and herd him down the hall to breakfast. At meals, she had to goad him to eat and drink, and afterwards, tell him to wipe his face. Though she did not like to have the television sound turned on (because it bothered her hearing due to her hearing aids) she would turn up the volume or turn on music for him to listen to help stimulate his mind and senses. Though Gladys never seemed to display affection, in Pete’s lasts few months, we often saw her hold Pete’s hand, stroke his white hair, and place tender kisses on his cheeks and lips. Lindsey’s Grandpa Pete passed away a couple of weeks ago. Gladys has cried and mourned, but she has also grown to be strong. When her husband was in need, Gladys changed her outlook on life in such a way that it affected her physical and emotional being so that she could take care of him. Today, she is a stronger, healthier woman than she was 2 years ago. When we go out, she doesn’t take her walker with us. She shows love and concern for Lindsey and I, and she has more social activity (particularly bingo with her friends) than she has had in many years. From one perspective, I see that Gladys changed her way of life to help save her husband, in his last years, from losing dignity and quality of life. From another perspective, I wonder if somehow, Pete, who was a very intelligent and caring man, found a way to save her.
Lindsey and I are only 26-years-old. In our five-years of marriage we’ve experienced several losses and heartaches, we’ve miscommunicated and disagreed, we’ve been poor (beans for dinner 3-days a week poor), and we’ve made mistakes; but we’ve survived. We have grown, loved, cherished, supported, embraced, encouraged, and celebrated each other. We have a wonderful, beautiful marriage that is becoming like the image of unity expressed by the Trinity. Engraved inside my wedding ring are the words “love endures all”. Through having children of our own, and watching them grow and develop, through our own physical and emotional changes, and as we experience mid-life crisis’ and the chaos that generally is life, I expect that our love will endure all. And though with old age, we may break down physically and mentally, it is these love relationships that God gives to us with a spouse, or with intimate friends or family members, that He uses to save our quality of life. I hope that I outlive Lindsey, so that I can always take care of her; but if I do not, I know that she will stick with me through it all.
Monday, June 2, 2008
TMI: adolescence
There is nothing wrong with today's teenager that twenty years won't cure.
-Author Unknown
Preadolescence and Early Adolescence
My voice had deepened early, but my height and weight of the 6th – 8th grades led me to have a small guy’s aggressive mentality. I entered Jr. High School as a strapping 5-foot 1-inch, 100-pound display of adolescent manhood. I felt as though I always needed to prove myself, and to show off any skill that I could muster to compensate for my lack of size. I became aggressive and defensive in sports and in friendships. Sometime during 6th grade, I had become very social; I was “a social butterfly” as my mom liked to call it. And within my social circles, I always wanted to be the leader, and I led by my inflated ego. My parents like to call 7th grade “the rebellious year”. During this time, my dad’s job was requiring him to travel some, and my mom “just didn’t understand” what it was like to be a 12-year-old boy. I desperately needed to discover who I was, but I was trying hard to create my image to be someone I wasn’t. Fortunately, I saw fit to seek the counsel of “older, wiser” guys who might help me. Unfortunately, these “older, wiser” guys were actually just 8th graders who were going through their own rebellions. We experimented at pushing the limits on what we could get away with, and we partied and behaved as though we were much older than we were. By these risk-taking behaviors, we were seeking experiences that would create high intensity feelings. Adolescents like intensity, excitement, and arousal. As most young teenage boys, we were driven by our hormones; and with that combined with my inherent need to prove myself, I became very chauvinistic with the girls in my social circle. In all our efforts we had a strong appetite for novelty and thrills.
I needed to improve my decision making, and I needed to develop an accurate self-understanding. During the summer after my 7th grade year, by my parent’s insistence, I spent a lot of time with the youth group from my church. The openness and genuine care that they expressed was in stark contrast to the highly competitive, highly judgmental group that I ran around with at school. I experienced a major defining moment that June during a summer church camp held at Howard Payne University. It was an accumulation of events and the environment that God used to gain my attention; but specifically I remember a conversation I had with my youth minister, Dennis Perry, and his friend, Chris Rice that helped me reach a point of turning towards Christ’s ways. Essentially they challenged me in a way that I needed to be challenged. They cast a vision for me to learn to lead others by Christian submission. This made sense to me as it incorporated who I was with the community I was learning to love.
When I returned to school for my 8th grade year, I brought with me a new direction and new sense of who I was. Of course, I had not anticipated the awkwardness of the transition I had yet to experience. While I had traveled a distance spiritually, the social group I rejoined had not shared in my journey. My relationships with school-friends suffered, and I did not feel that I had a best-friend or confidant. Throughout the year I rediscovered both a sense of independence from my school-friends and a sense of isolation and loneliness. During this separation from my “rebellious year” I began to spend more time with God, learning to know Him and trust His direction. In this way, for the first time, I began to truly discover who I was, and where I was going. These changes in my attitude and way-of-thought, along with several physical changes (finally starting to catch up in-way of height and weight), began to build in me a healthier self-concept.
Socioemotional Development of Teenage Years
In High School, I skipped the top-dog phenomenon all-together. I was comfortable in who I was trying to be, and was building healthy friendships with freshmen through seniors. For me, reaching High School was like reaching the summit of a large mountain that I had been climbing towards adulthood. I was still in many ways a child, but I was finally earning freedoms and trust that allowed me to “stretch my wings” and mature. Of course at the time, I was still yearning to reach ahead into the next stages of maturity. As much as I loved reaching high school, at times, I considered it a necessary evil that had to be finished so that I could be in college. (Of course later, I thought college was only a necessary evil so that I could be free from restrictions and everyone else’s expectations.)
As a teen, I believed I was invincible. According to David Elkind’s work, I was simply reaching a very normal stage of adolescent egocentrism, called personal fable, in which a teenager has a strong illogical sense of personal uniqueness. I felt that almost no one could really understand how felt or how I thought. I considered myself a deep and mature thinker, and an athletic Olympian; and I believed that nothing could stop me. My best friend in High School, Steele (who was a year older than me), fueled that fire with his similar approach to life. Together we could accomplish more significant works (and more silly mischief) than either of us could on our own, and so we joined forces in all of our activities.
DeSoto High School held much diversity within its student body. Ethnically, the school was built with approximately 30% Caucasian students, 60% African-American students, and 10% Latino and Asian students. Very poor families and very rich families were represented, and the school offered a wide variety of curricular and extra-curricular activities for students to participate in. With our combined efforts, Steele and I brought about victory and caused disaster in school sports, in theatre, in the cafeteria, as library aids, in the halls, and in any course that we could manage to take together. We tended to buck authority when we could get away with it, and each of us was determined to do things our way and be successful. For me, I suppose that this was an extension of my early longing to be The Natural. We considered ourselves a dynamic duo socially, and creatively; and spiritually, we made every effort to hold each other accountable to our Christian values and we attempted (often with failure) to humble each other.
Through the relationships I experienced within my family and with my church family, and through the activities that inspired my self-concept, God gained control of my heart, and he turned my motivations towards Him. I wanted to please Him and to serve with all of my strength. At the age of 16, I felt a sure and strong calling to ministry. I instantly determined to try to be a peace bringer where there was no peace, leader where people needed leading, and a servant to others for God. I aggressively began chasing this life-direction in every way I could. I took a job as a janitor for my local church, I played guitar on the youth praise team, played bass for a college worship band that led in area youth retreats, created videos for my youth minister to use in worship services, and participated in community evangelism efforts. I was eager to learn by serving and experiencing ministry. I think in many ways, this centered me, as it gave me grounding and intent.
Dating scripts are the cognitive models that guide individual’s dating interactions. My early theories of dating were developed based on my favorite show of my adolescence, Saved by the Bell. On the show, each teenager had their mate: Zack had Kelly, Slater had Jessie, and Screech always wanted Lisa. My early dating practices were to find a steady, and become the “it couple”. I would find interest in a girl, flirt with her until she reacted with interest, and then court her. Though I only dated a handful of girls over my first three-years of high school, I was seldom without a girlfriend, as each relationship lasted between six-months and a year. It is interesting to me that I would even use the term “dating” to describe this era of my adolescence, since we really did not go on many dates, but rather, we would just hang-out with each other, or with our youth group.
As my senior year of high school neared, I knew many changes were ahead. My best friend would be going off to college (which meant that I would have to learn to cause mischief on my own!). While this at first seemed like a sad adjustment for me, I think that it was a very healthy and freeing change. Steele and I had learned to depend on each other for fun, for learning, and even for our identity. I was now focused on finding my own self-portrait, and I approached this adventure with excitement and interest. I involved myself in self-expression in art, music, leadership, friendship, conversation, reading, and in planning my future. I focused on dating many girls, rather than having a girlfriend. I wanted to challenge my passions and my priorities. Though I did have a circle of very close friends, my myriad of activities allowed me to interact in all of the cliques and crowds. I do not mean to infer that I would attempt to blend-in to each group, but rather, I did not label myself as belonging to any group. I just wanted to be me and be friends with anyone with whom I shared common interest. Being a bridge-builder became very important to me, and it is a large part of who I am today.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
TMI: childhood
Early, Middle, and Late Childhood
Childhood is measured out by sounds and smells and sights, before the dark hour of reason grows. -John Betjeman
The childhood shows the man as morning shows the day. -John Milton
Physical and Cognitive Development
While I was most certainly a chunky baby, in early childhood, my body began to grow and change as I became very active. I loved running, playing, moving, and wrestling; and I began to shape into a thin to average form. By three-years-old I loved playing ball, and by four, I was ready to learn sports. Though four-year-olds may not understand the precise art and skill of soccer, running in pack with my friends and occasionally bumping into the ball was a great opportunity to display my physical coordination and athletic prowess. I always kept my parents busy with my soccer, basketball, and baseball schedules; and I can remember my mom wearing a fanny-pack or purse with snacks and drinks to keep up with my energy needs.
My parents (and most of the members of First Baptist Church Cleburne) can remember that I was a very temperamental child in toddler room. I would throw tantrums because I did not want to be left with the other children. My grandpa considered it “child abuse” to leave me in there crying, so for several weeks, my mom would spend time with me and the other children in the toddler room until I wanted to be with others. By the time I was two-years-old I had well-proved that I could have a temper, and at four, I began using my temper to prove my independence. My mom recalls a particularly nasty tantrum with me refusing to wear the corduroy overalls that she made for me! Being independent-minded was trend setting for me and has continued on into my current early adult years.
I always wanted to be a grown-up (well…until I actually became one). I preferred spend time around my older cousins and tried to fit in with adults. As a child, when I was ready to come to “big church”, I never slept; and I refused to take color-books, books, or toys into the service. My parents reminded me that I started taking notes on church bulletin by third grade. Piaget proposed that in a preoperational stage, from approximately 2 to 7 years of age, children begin to stabilize concepts and begin reasoning. He described operations as internalized sets of action that allow children to do mentally what before they did physically. In the intuitive thought substage, children begin to use primitive reasoning to answer all sorts of questions. Although I did not have an understanding of the significance of God’s church, by the things that Pastor Dyer was preaching, I was beginning to formulate a basic understanding of the concepts and purposes of the church, or at least centrally, what it meant to me.
As I entered a time of preadolescence around 5th grade, I continued my heavy participation in city sports, but I also began spending a lot of my time reading and experimenting with arts and music. I would spend as much time inside filling sketchpads as I would in driveway shooting hoops. An interesting aspect of my personality began coming forward during this time. I had this great aspiration to be “the natural” at whatever I did. I can’t exactly pinpoint when I first watched the Robert Redford movie, The Natural, but I am sure that the fantasy books I read and my love for movies with an underdog protagonist provided enough influence for me to think that I, too, could save the day without breaking a sweat. Though I still held the same desire to showoff and get attention that I had from infancy, I did not want to study, take lessons, or put in serious practice to achieve. This attitude extended into my school education. I had always loved school and made straight A’s, but by 6th grade, I had no interest in studying or completing homework. This mind-set has unfortunately plagued much of my school efforts through most of my life. I have always loved to learn, to discover, and to develop, and I have been a self-motivated reader/thinker, but I was not successful in engaging myself in the schoolwork that was assigned. Most of my formal, school education relied on a very traditional, standardized approach. I think I would have better embraced a system of education such as Piaget suggested. He theorized that teachers should take a constructive approach, facilitate rather than direct learning, consider each child’s level and style of thinking, promote intellectual health, and turn the classroom into a setting of exploration and discovery. In that kind of learning environment, I could have better sharpened my critical thinking skills, and I believe I may have embarked on a journey of self-discovery sooner and more successfully.
My parents certainly practiced authoritative parenting. I think they saw my tendency to carve my own path, but they also knew that it could be a weakness for me if I didn’t learn responsibility and follow-through. They always encouraged me to be independent but still placed limits and controls on my actions. They were good communicators and generally did a great job of explaining rules and what was expected of me. They expected me to act with mature, age-appropriate behaviors and they would try to help me learn from my mistakes. I am thankful that they led our family with high expectations, patience, and with Christlike qualities.
Sibling Interaction
After being the center of attention for the first three-years of my life (being the first grandson, the first boy in my family for my generation), my revival, my brother Kyle, was born. When my mom was pregnant with Kyle, my parents would read a book to me entitled Baby Sister. I had grown accustomed to the idea of having a little sister around and was okay with it. When my little sister came out a little brother I was obviously a bit surprised. When we went home from the hospital, I realized that I was no longer the center of attention. I responded by drawing very close to my mom, and I would not leave her side, so that she’d make sure to not forget about me. After a few weeks, I learned to accepted kyle pretty well. My parents helped this transition by giving me responsibilities with Kyle. I would hold his hand while watching TV (so that he wouldn’t be afraid). Simple tasks like this helped me invest into Kyle’s newborn life, and gave me a sense of intimacy and belonging with him.
As we grew up, my brother and I had many shared environmental experiences that helped us to bond. Besides sharing our familial environment, we watched the same shows, played the same games, and shared a strong appetite. Kyle became my best friend and my shadow, as we played the same sports, and participated in many of the same activities. We loved to dress up as the characters in the movies we watched and excelled in fort building and Chinese leg-wrestling. As much as we shared, we also had many nonshared environmental experiences. Kyle never had a sitter, as my mom had decided to transition to being a full-time at-home mom. I had been accustomed to being with sitter on normal basis, and accordingly I had more adult interaction. Instead, he had more kid interaction (me, as well as the kids of families that my parents had now become friends with). I think that the difference in our early social environment may explain why it took me longer to adjust to other kids than it took him. Kyle hated riding in the car, and I loved it. I took more artistic interest, he had more imaginative interest and preferred blocks over books. When I was born, as the firstborn and the center of attention, I changed the environment, when Kyle came, he often then would fit into the environment. Undoubtedly our differences and our likenesses contributed to our share of fights and name calling, but just as I would hold his hand when he was a baby, I always felt protective of my little brother.