TMI: emerging adulthood

Emerging Adulthood
Men are but children of a larger growth, Our appetites as apt to change as theirs, And full as craving too, and full as vain. -John Dryden

One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them. -Virginia Woolf


Finding Me
As I entered college, I felt as though I was finally getting somewhere. I was building a great relationship with my parents and brother, I was on my own(ish), working for a church, following my dreams, seriously dating a girl that I had grown up with (who later became my wife), and I spent most of my weekends traveling to lead camps and retreats. During my freshman year, I absolutely loved college life, though I didn’t particularly care much for the classes. Unfortunately, classes count for a lot at college. I was virtually stress-free during that year…until I received notice that my GPA was an outstanding 1.7 (yikes!). For so much of my life, I had coasted, trusting in my natural abilities to get me through. I had never really learned how to study, and I had no real philosophy of learning. Though I still relied heavily on experiential learning, I began to see the value of quantitative education. I learned how to work hard in, and out, of the classroom, how to pass, and how to achieve.

I joined the intern staff at Pioneer Drive Baptist Church (a large church in Abilene, TX) the same week as classes started for my freshman year at Hardin-Simmons University. Here, I found great chemistry with a student ministry team that valued relevance, authenticity, and creativity. We became like family, and looked for every opportunity to serve and grow together. Looking back, I feel that this time was, more than anything, my first great learning curve. We concentrated on values and ideals, on developing leadership and teamwork, and on raising the levels of expectation on ourselves and those we were discipling. This would mark the first earthquake in my attempt to be The Natural. I started recognizing my strengths and my weaknesses, and I trusted learning, hard work, faith, and teamwork to achieve. Under God’s leadership, as a team, we ventured out to plant a new church in our college town. Though I have moved and had other ministry experiences since then, I still consider this team as a major instrument through which God has shaped my ministry. Through the experiences of church planting and working in local churches, God has restructured my church theology. Whereas, I once saw the institution of the church, as the center for ministry and evangelism, I better understand that God expects of all of His [sent] people to participate in His mission. I see enabling and empowering believers, as members of churches to do the work of ministry and evangelism as my part in God’s mission. I hope that through my ministry, people will understand and meet their full potential in relationship with God.

The most significant event in my college experience was marrying my wife, Lindsey. We had grown up together (we were from the same church, and she was in my close circle of friends), and she knew me better than most. She was well aware that she was committing to an idealistic, arrogant man, and she knew that I strived to be a better man. Mostly, she knew that I loved her wholly and unconditionally…and she returned that love. We dated for two-years before I begged her to be my wife, and we were married one year later, after our junior year of college. Though she was well organized and reserved while I was scattered and assertive, we fit together well in our 500 square-foot apartment. The memories of bills and grades seem distant to the joy of discovery and excitement that defined our first year of marriage. She took classes and student-taught at a local elementary school; and I took classes, worked on staff at our church start, and held a part-time job at an office supply store. We were busy, but we were blissful. We now joke that we had to, at least, get-along with each other, since our tiny apartment left no room for us to fight.

I’m now 26 years-old, and I truly believe that these several years since college have marked my second great learning curve. It has also been the time in which I have developed the most on cognitive and socioemotional levels since infancy. I have finally found the adulthood that I craved since I was a child. My sense of awareness has been shocked and has grown in regards to our global community. My sense of idealism and my values are maturing and revealing my priorities. I am truly learning of the depths of love and of Christian submission. Mostly, I have been humbled, again and again. This process of learning humility is sometimes difficult and painful; but I am learning that the less I become, the more God is revealed; and the more I learn, the more I realize I have even more yet to learn. God is teaching me the values of, and the joys of patience, intimacy, and interdependence. Though I always wanted to be The Natural, it is now my wish to be the student. It is my hope that God will take the rest of my life and continues to reveal to me, His nature and His ways, and that I will conform to His image. My personality, my physical build, my way of reasoning is all meant to be used in His service.


A Shared Adulthood
Lindsey and I have spent the past year as the primary caregivers for her elderly grandparents. Through this experience, I have seen 91-year-old Pete, and 89-year-old Gladys love one another and care for one another. Until the past couple of years, Pete, could have full conversations with us, often sharing war stories from WWII. He had okay balance and could move pretty well when using his walker. During that time Gladys (who I’m told has always been a perennial hypochondriac) was in-and-out of the hospital (though nothing much was ever wrong) and had grown accustomed to being pushed around in a wheel-chair. Pete went really downhill physically and mentally over the last two years. He had dementia, and was losing weight and strength. As his health was failing, Gladys began worrying less about her “illnesses” and more about taking care of him. She would get him out of bed in the mornings, and dress him in slacks and a dress shirt (he always liked to look good), and herd him down the hall to breakfast. At meals, she had to goad him to eat and drink, and afterwards, tell him to wipe his face. Though she did not like to have the television sound turned on (because it bothered her hearing due to her hearing aids) she would turn up the volume or turn on music for him to listen to help stimulate his mind and senses. Though Gladys never seemed to display affection, in Pete’s lasts few months, we often saw her hold Pete’s hand, stroke his white hair, and place tender kisses on his cheeks and lips. Lindsey’s Grandpa Pete passed away a couple of weeks ago. Gladys has cried and mourned, but she has also grown to be strong. When her husband was in need, Gladys changed her outlook on life in such a way that it affected her physical and emotional being so that she could take care of him. Today, she is a stronger, healthier woman than she was 2 years ago. When we go out, she doesn’t take her walker with us. She shows love and concern for Lindsey and I, and she has more social activity (particularly bingo with her friends) than she has had in many years. From one perspective, I see that Gladys changed her way of life to help save her husband, in his last years, from losing dignity and quality of life. From another perspective, I wonder if somehow, Pete, who was a very intelligent and caring man, found a way to save her.

Lindsey and I are only 26-years-old. In our five-years of marriage we’ve experienced several losses and heartaches, we’ve miscommunicated and disagreed, we’ve been poor (beans for dinner 3-days a week poor), and we’ve made mistakes; but we’ve survived. We have grown, loved, cherished, supported, embraced, encouraged, and celebrated each other. We have a wonderful, beautiful marriage that is becoming like the image of unity expressed by the Trinity. Engraved inside my wedding ring are the words “love endures all”. Through having children of our own, and watching them grow and develop, through our own physical and emotional changes, and as we experience mid-life crisis’ and the chaos that generally is life, I expect that our love will endure all. And though with old age, we may break down physically and mentally, it is these love relationships that God gives to us with a spouse, or with intimate friends or family members, that He uses to save our quality of life. I hope that I outlive Lindsey, so that I can always take care of her; but if I do not, I know that she will stick with me through it all.